tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post4532172709382853088..comments2023-09-17T08:25:04.078-04:00Comments on A Thousand Oceans: grief comes in zig-zagsA.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-68371327546590805642012-05-13T12:28:09.311-04:002012-05-13T12:28:09.311-04:00Thank you, Sue.Thank you, Sue.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-63203395120986515012012-05-13T12:27:37.317-04:002012-05-13T12:27:37.317-04:00Thanks, Alex!Thanks, Alex!A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-79769477112975404602012-05-13T12:27:14.489-04:002012-05-13T12:27:14.489-04:00I totally agree...I believe it is possible to make...I totally agree...I believe it is possible to make peace with a horrible situation and to be able to live with it without accepting what happened.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-39922383845705142442012-05-13T12:26:04.374-04:002012-05-13T12:26:04.374-04:00Thanks, Emily. I am thinking of you, too.Thanks, Emily. I am thinking of you, too.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-35110346631105222642012-05-13T12:24:54.584-04:002012-05-13T12:24:54.584-04:00Thank you so much, BG, for writing me. It really m...Thank you so much, BG, for writing me. It really means a lot. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved twins. If you want to connect off the blog, my email is journeytobabyg at gmail.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-76813486296745109882012-05-13T12:21:38.215-04:002012-05-13T12:21:38.215-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-88569304758728937042012-05-11T23:24:41.894-04:002012-05-11T23:24:41.894-04:00Hi there,
I am an anonymous reader who stumbled ac...Hi there,<br />I am an anonymous reader who stumbled across your blog one day from Mo's. I lost my beautiful boy/girl twins at 23 weeks a few months before your precious Aminadav and Naava were born. I do not have a blog of my own nor have I ever posted anything on the internet, but I felt strongly enough that I wanted let you know that your honesty and your words have helped me tremendously and I thought you should know that, in this sense, your children have a legacy of helping someone as heartbroken as their mom. Although no story or grieving process is the same, our journeys are striking in their similarity, from the infertility/IVF, subchorionic hematoma, bedrest, second trimester loss and the "adding insult to injury" surgery for retained placenta. Your thought processes have been akin to my own in this impossible path. My husband and I miss our babies every day and think of them in particular when we see things in nature that take our breath away, just as they did. I thought you should know that your blog has helped me. If there is ever any time you need a listening ear from someone who has walked a similar road just a few months in advance of yours, feel free to reach out. If not, please accept my gratitude and my know that I am thinking of you and your little ones.<br />Sincerely,<br />BGBGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08273199801881969896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-48126715726968003872012-05-11T22:23:49.113-04:002012-05-11T22:23:49.113-04:00Thinking and praying for you often. And wanted to ...Thinking and praying for you often. And wanted to let you know I gave you a blog award. Come check it out.Emily @ablanket2keephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10398858102692984237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-67282619684254999772012-05-11T10:56:57.912-04:002012-05-11T10:56:57.912-04:00I never really liked "acceptance" as the...I never really liked "acceptance" as the mystical elusive piece of the grief process... I always liked to think of it more as "peace"... There are losses in my life around which I have found peace and meaning, but I can't say I fully *accept* them. I hope one day you will find your peace, little by little, step by step.Gemini Mommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08409428109902242679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-63131675326654694222012-05-11T10:17:02.386-04:002012-05-11T10:17:02.386-04:00Continuing to think of you. The way you describe ...Continuing to think of you. The way you describe your grief sounds very healthy, and very normal. I admire you for going out and trying to find answers, trying to do whatever you can to prevent something like this from happening again. Sending love your way...Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07524692943966582775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-34892927262429613232012-05-11T09:56:33.958-04:002012-05-11T09:56:33.958-04:00Yeah, the five stages of grief don't work line...Yeah, the five stages of grief don't work linearly for most people. And its perfectly normal to jump around, zigging and zagging from one stage to another. That "magical thinking" you talk about is probably a useful coping mechanism right now. It makes sense that you would research ways to avoid pProm or causes of placental abruption. I hope that in the coming months you can find a way to hold your twins in your heart and still find happiness in life again. You are an incredibly strong, courageous woman and you will ever have this community's support.Curly Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07232873717802171517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-85510492483759721372012-05-11T02:39:16.340-04:002012-05-11T02:39:16.340-04:00Yep, I have an appointment with my hematologist ne...Yep, I have an appointment with my hematologist next week and I am hoping he will agree to order the clotting panel. Even with the placental issues during the pregnancy, which as far as I am concerned, is a clear indication to test for thrombophilias, it seems most doctors would prefer not knowing in my case since I also have a bleeding tendency. If there is an abnormality, then the messy part is deciding what to do with the information since I am not such a great looking candidate for clexane/lovenox. I will never be able to forgive myself, though, if we don't do the tests and something similar happens in the future. Also, hopefully the results will be negative and then I will simply get some peace of mind.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-5002395563926047022012-05-11T02:31:28.892-04:002012-05-11T02:31:28.892-04:00Hi Jay, I read your post on 2nd/3rd tri losses a l...Hi Jay, I read your post on 2nd/3rd tri losses a little while back and I agree that there is frustratingly little research out there and no unified approach within the medical community with how to move forward, either, even when the dx is the same. And there is really no good evidence-based medicine for any of the possible interventions, so a lot of what is or isn't done seems to be based on a hunch and any one given doctor's bias and personal experiences. <br /><br />As for me, my placenta pathology came back clean for infections though there were fibrin deposits, likely from the partial abruption. There was also never any sign of infection (though I know that often these infections can be silent, at least as long as they are in the uterus). It seems most likely that in my case the bleeding wore down the membranes of Aminadav's sac and caused local inflammation. Though obviously stagnant blood is a wonderful culture medium for bacteria and it is possible that the hematoma itself got infected. One doctor said he would have had me rotating through several wide-spectrum antibiotics as soon as I had the big bleed at 16 wks and that I should have also been back on progesterone support at that time. Two good ideas if I ever find myself back in this situation again.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-72359070995012208292012-05-11T02:23:29.642-04:002012-05-11T02:23:29.642-04:00Thanks, Melissa. I still think of Charlotte (and y...Thanks, Melissa. I still think of Charlotte (and you!) often.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-83826382321030871942012-05-11T02:21:28.528-04:002012-05-11T02:21:28.528-04:00Cristy, exactly, the take-home message to all of m...Cristy, exactly, the take-home message to all of my problems is always that it is a bad roll of the dice - my infertility, too. Even my infertility is unexplained. I feel like that pretty much everything bad that happens to my body is 'unexplained' or a random bad event. I know sometimes the quest for answers can lead us to unreasonable or illogical places but at the same time, I know that my quest for answers or at least something, even a sugar pill, to prevent this from happening again is something I have much more invested in than any doctors because of lightning strikes again, I am the one who has to live with that. It feels much safer to be a little more proactive...I have always been somewhat passive when dealing with medical professionals and it clearly hasn't served me very well.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-20091335663482889232012-05-11T01:59:40.144-04:002012-05-11T01:59:40.144-04:00I also used to go search on the internet all the t...I also used to go search on the internet all the time, even at work. I was obsessively gathering information. The stages came and went in no particular order, sometimes a combination of two at the same time. Be patient with that. It sounds like you need to see another doctor, eh?MrsHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18277631338883839373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-10434223069136055272012-05-10T18:49:10.795-04:002012-05-10T18:49:10.795-04:00Its so expected that our grief would not be this p...Its so expected that our grief would not be this pretty linear progression. I can barely comprehend how the psyche deals with something oif this magnitude-- my miscarriages were bad enough, what happened to you was worse and I can barely comprehend how anybody gets up and keeps on going if they lose a child they have parented for years.<br /><br />I've done the pubmed crawling for second/third trimester loss too. It pisses me off to no end as to how little research there is out here. What little I could find I summarized into a blogpost, you should check it out if you have not done so yet.<br /><br />About the tests for infections, I think that is huge- there is some inflammation likely to be the first thing that causes the first domino to fall, and infection is a likely suspect. ABout the other tests you wanted- you absolutely have the right to demand them. I've realized the importance of standing ones ground with ones doctor, as long as you have a decent grasp of the situation. But its also very hard to do. But, if anybody has cause to go above and beyond in their quest for answers, you do.<br /><br />*Hugs*Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15553205805046479504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-7720079196145763412012-05-10T17:25:21.345-04:002012-05-10T17:25:21.345-04:00I agree. Even now, almost 18 months after losing ...I agree. Even now, almost 18 months after losing Charlotte, my grief comes in zig-zags. For the most part I live in acceptance, but I still have anger and a little bit of denial that this is my life. This is how I will have to live the rest of my life: without my little girl.<br /><br />I did a lot of internet searching in the beginning too. I sat down with the blood tests results and autopsy results determined to find some answers, even after the autopsy had summarized their beliefs on what happened. I very much wanted answers to that I could prevent it from happening again.<br /><br />Self-loathing, that's me in a nutshell. I never thought of it as being a narcissistic pursuit. You're right though. And I'm so very sorry that the loss doctor wasn't helpful.<br /><br />I am still learning how to live with love and appreciation even though I am not whole. I think I will be struggling with that for the rest of my life.<br /><br />*hugs*Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06469312664920124105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-16807837565764299312012-05-10T15:01:24.678-04:002012-05-10T15:01:24.678-04:00Ah yes, the stages of grief. The way they are pres...Ah yes, the stages of grief. The way they are presented always seems as if they need to be completed in a linear fashion, yet I find that I always do the first 4 out of order, sometimes in combination. And it's very rare that I ever reach stage 5.<br /><br />I'm sorry that your doctor is giving you the run around. I'd be very pissed too. I also understand where you're coming from with searching PubMed, looking for answers. What's happened is incredibly painful and unfair. I can't think of a single human being who wouldn't want to find a way to fix this, if not simply prevent it from happening again. And yet, too often, we are made to feel like all of it was a bad roll of the dice or that there really isn't anything. All of it is enough to drive a person to insanity.<br /><br />I continue to think of you and send you love as you journey through this process. Love and light.Cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.com