tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post8079838566388683291..comments2023-09-17T08:25:04.078-04:00Comments on A Thousand Oceans: right where i am: 2 months and 3 weeksA.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-38277602541216526772012-06-11T05:50:17.452-04:002012-06-11T05:50:17.452-04:00I feel the same way you describe. I have been quit...I feel the same way you describe. I have been quite high functioning since their deaths and yet at the same time, I have such a hard time thanking people for their help...don't know what the block is or why I think it requires so much emotional energy, but that's where I am at.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-91950496129408653602012-06-11T05:48:24.479-04:002012-06-11T05:48:24.479-04:00You are so right. The past few weeks and especiall...You are so right. The past few weeks and especially now at 3 months out, all of the shock is wearing off and suddenly the fact that they are gone forever and not coming back is starting to feel much more real and for now I am just struggling with how to digest and live with that finality. I have also read that cells from every pregnancy remain in your body for life, and I agree that it is comforting. There is actually a fair amount of research exploring whether the those cells have some sort of helpful protective effect or whether sometimes they can play a more sinister role and contribute to autoimmune diseases.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-89433825313270334982012-06-11T05:42:57.154-04:002012-06-11T05:42:57.154-04:00I was so touched by the many thoughtful responses ...I was so touched by the many thoughtful responses to this post. Thank you so so much to everyone who wrote - you brightened my day.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-70332515279935643702012-06-11T05:41:54.714-04:002012-06-11T05:41:54.714-04:00Thanks, we will only be in Toronto for a year, but...Thanks, we will only be in Toronto for a year, but how amazing it would be to bring a little one back to Israel with us next summer.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-50659065137365049532012-06-11T05:40:45.298-04:002012-06-11T05:40:45.298-04:00Haha, yeah, I totally don't get the cold food ...Haha, yeah, I totally don't get the cold food martyr comments. I agree with you totally on microwaves.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-34963579097154050112012-06-11T05:37:33.486-04:002012-06-11T05:37:33.486-04:00Thank you very much for the tip - I will certainly...Thank you very much for the tip - I will certainly look into it!A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-25779867584130022382012-06-06T18:29:06.962-04:002012-06-06T18:29:06.962-04:00I am so deeply sorry that Aminadav and Naava aren&...I am so deeply sorry that Aminadav and Naava aren't going back to Toronto with you. And I am sorry that your MIL isn't able to fully acknowledge your twins as her grandchildren - it's hard for me to wrap my mind around that kind of thinking, and regardless of how good her intentions are, I hate to think of you having to spend concentrated with her right now. Two months is raw enough, and moving is hard enough, without that. Love to you.ericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06347057746449071812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-88679186912900886212012-06-04T17:56:17.297-04:002012-06-04T17:56:17.297-04:00*Aminadav and Naava* Your babies have such beautif...*Aminadav and Naava* Your babies have such beautiful, beautiful names.<br /><br />Two months is such a difficult, awful time. I remember that the grief got worse around then as the filmy blessing of numbness wore off. (And I didn't have a MIL who picked at the hurt the way yours does, intentionally or not. I am so sorry that she cannot help you in your grief for your children, her grandchildren).<br /><br />One thing I found incredibly moving in my early stages of grief was someone telling me that a little of each baby's DNA remains in their mother. I hope it's true (I'm no scientist). It must be so very hard to feel as though you are leaving them behind but I hope that in time you are able to feel that brought them with you too.Fireflyforeverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15290560217994184778noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-62895764157954313932012-06-02T21:03:27.657-04:002012-06-02T21:03:27.657-04:00At two months out, I found it difficult to thank a...At two months out, I found it difficult to thank anyone for their help, even when it was wonderful and without demeaning comments. I was functioning doing many things and so I know it sounds weird, but for that, I just couldn't find the energy. <br /><br />I am so sorry for the loss of your babies and that you are not bringing newborns with you Toronto. Of course they are rooted in Israel alongside your roots and also will be with you in so many other amazing ways that will forever be imbedded in your being.Mama Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15448908179398529689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-13039781821461582712012-06-02T00:27:26.337-04:002012-06-02T00:27:26.337-04:00Here from the Roundup.
I can only hope that somed...Here from the Roundup.<br /><br />I can only hope that someday you will be able to bring your future children back to Israel. Those children will be rooted to the land, just as you are, because it is the land of their brother and sister, of Aminadev and Naava, z''l.Baby Smiling In Back Seathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06483533946303787478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-42895115531856691132012-06-01T17:45:26.610-04:002012-06-01T17:45:26.610-04:00I am so sorry that you are leaving your twins behi...I am so sorry that you are leaving your twins behind. I know it sounds weird, but could you take a small vial of dirt from their resting place with you to Toronto? <br /><br />And cold pizza is yucky, and so is cold coffee and tea. My mother told me "It was years before I got to eat a warm meal or drink warm coffee." I just told her "That's what microwaves are for." The next time your MIL says something so insensitive, I hope you let her have it.Chickenpighttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09442755180328605920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-9487249189766521012012-06-01T11:13:24.206-04:002012-06-01T11:13:24.206-04:00I want to smack your MIL.
Here from the roundup...I want to smack your MIL. <br /><br />Here from the roundup also. So much love your way as you navigate.<br /><br /><3Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-68151803891632968312012-06-01T09:18:16.620-04:002012-06-01T09:18:16.620-04:00I'm here from the Roundup. Beautiful, raw pos...I'm here from the Roundup. Beautiful, raw post. I can't believe your MIL said that...actually said that to you and didn't have the courtesy to blush and apologize. So very sorry for your losses and the upcoming move.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-73309147707356685432012-06-01T08:53:30.515-04:002012-06-01T08:53:30.515-04:00Here from the Stirrup Queen's roundup. Such be...Here from the Stirrup Queen's roundup. Such beautiful writing. Thank you for this. <br /><br />If you need support when you get to Toronto, my dh & I used to facilitate a support group for Perinatal Bereavement Services Ontario (www.pbso.ca). They have several groups across the GTA. (((hugs)))loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-42294496544099904732012-06-01T08:11:34.013-04:002012-06-01T08:11:34.013-04:00Here from Mel's roundup. Such a gorgeous, raw,...Here from Mel's roundup. Such a gorgeous, raw, heartbreaking post. I had a visceral reaction to your MIL's comment; what an awful thing to say on the heels of loss. <br /><br />Hugs. <br /><br />xoxoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-22259878789566867172012-06-01T06:44:33.314-04:002012-06-01T06:44:33.314-04:00Thanks, Arcadia. My MIL adores her other grandchil...Thanks, Arcadia. My MIL adores her other grandchildren, but I don't think she considers Naava and Aminadav to have been grandchildren, which is part of what hurts me so much.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-41492397704063464692012-06-01T06:43:12.052-04:002012-06-01T06:43:12.052-04:00Thanks. I am thinking of you often, too!Thanks. I am thinking of you often, too!A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-8185771576968953602012-06-01T06:42:43.788-04:002012-06-01T06:42:43.788-04:00Thanks, Catherine. I love what you write about you...Thanks, Catherine. I love what you write about your girls living in a concentrated form when they were born...I think I feel that, too. When I think back, I was ignorant myself to what babies born at our early gestations look like even though I had seen pictures of micropreemies and stillborn babies. I guess I expected them to look much more fetus-like and somehow foreign. Of course in reality they were not scary at all but rather so human and "normal", just so small.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-87571611532277379752012-06-01T06:37:47.758-04:002012-06-01T06:37:47.758-04:00Thinking of you. Yes - time is such a strange thin...Thinking of you. Yes - time is such a strange thing after loss - both our approach to re-entering our lives before the baby(ies) and the idea of a future in which they don't exist.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-2589608094988158642012-06-01T06:35:59.701-04:002012-06-01T06:35:59.701-04:00I think overall she means well and she tries very ...I think overall she means well and she tries very hard to be helpful, but sometimes the most shockingly insensitive things slip out of her mouth that it is questionable whether she is really that oblivious, or if there is a little subconscious malice slipped in there.A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00949343025406168591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-72679586789846380032012-06-01T05:29:20.685-04:002012-06-01T05:29:20.685-04:00So very sorry for your losses...I wouldn't be ...So very sorry for your losses...I wouldn't be thanking her either! Thank you for sharing...Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15550346625004276669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-58654697935288101642012-05-30T17:43:56.180-04:002012-05-30T17:43:56.180-04:00This is so beautiful and heartwrenching. Sending ...This is so beautiful and heartwrenching. Sending you love...Alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07524692943966582775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-52430844793736567632012-05-30T15:20:02.772-04:002012-05-30T15:20:02.772-04:00Oh, my dear. I wouldn't swap with you at 2 mon...Oh, my dear. I wouldn't swap with you at 2 months out for all the tea in china, which I hope tells you, st least, that it will get better and be more bearable. It's no comfort at the time, I know. In fact, it hurts. Maybe I shouldn't say it.<br /><br />You describe the desolate anger so well. I will hope that things go well for you in your new place but oh, for you having to be separated from your babies. I am so sorry :(Merryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338478486624362745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-75916310072624007142012-05-29T23:31:04.734-04:002012-05-29T23:31:04.734-04:00I am so sorry about your beautiful twin girls, Ami...I am so sorry about your beautiful twin girls, Aminadav and Naava. They have the most beautiful names. Your Mother in Law sounds so much like mine.. My son died when he was two days old. My Mother in Law met him, held him, said goodbye to him. And all she does is whine about taking care of her daughter's daughter - her one and only Grandaughter, as though she is a burden. She doesn't show any grief for having lost her grandson, for her son or for me. But then, her Indian son married me, the white girl - what else did I expect from her but relief that our baby died? "One day I will tell her everything that she does not want to know." - It would take me so much longer than a day.. Thank you for sharing your story, I have bookmarked your blog and will follow your posts.After Aidanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06543329686410241380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2490179268765761075.post-37124607161841126432012-05-29T19:22:25.036-04:002012-05-29T19:22:25.036-04:00Oh how I understand this post. It's lovely. It...Oh how I understand this post. It's lovely. It makes perfect sense to me that you wouldn't want to leave. It would be nice if others would understand this too. I think of you often.ADSchillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13972164121690415796noreply@blogger.com