my surprise hysteroscopy (there are better types of surprises)

As predicted, AF came right on time yesterday. I went in this morning, expecting to just find out my dosages and instructions for IUI #5 and then be on my merry way, but IF World (it reminds me of this giant toy store "Child World" that we had near us growing up) had other plans for me today. Back when we started doing monitored cycles, the ultrasound technician told me I had a myoma. Since the ultrasound technicians regularly measure it, I knew that it had been growing slowly. However, a few months ago when I asked RE 1 about it, he said not to worry about it.

Today RE 2 decided we should do a hysteroscopy to see whether the myoma had penetrated through the uterine wall. The hysteroscopy itself wasn't so bad (and I was shocked they squeezed me in right away, as well as grateful since it gave me less time to be anxious), but it was just slightly awkward given 1) I am bleeding because I am, you know, in the middle of my period and 2) the crowd of 4 that convened around the circus attraction that is my uterus. RE #2 felt the compulsion to make casual conversation with the resident and med student who had assembled around him about my famous PhD advisor (also in the same medical school as the teaching hospital where the fertility clinic is located) lest I retain any anonymity.

The grand conclusion was that they could in fact see the myoma on the inside of the uterine cavity meaning that it had invaded through the wall, but only minimally. RE 2 said that it probably needs to come out eventually, but that I can wait until a failed IVF or successful pregnancy (whichever comes first) before surgery.

I expressed my disappointment about only having one lousy follicle last cycle, but he recommended that we stay with same (low) dose of FSH for this cycle, since from my experience with Clomid he knows I am very easy to over-stimulate. I am feeling pretty sad and despondent in general lately. I guess by IUI #5 I feel like I am hanging around in IUI purgatory biding my time this cycle and next until our health fund will fully cover IVF, if that makes any sense. Obviously it would be amazing if I got pregnant in the meantime, but I don't know how realistic it is, especially since they aren't willing to get any more aggressive with the FSH until we move on to IVF.

I have a lot more to say, but I think I have already gone on at too great length, so I will continue these thoughts soon...In the meantime, lots of congratulations and good vibes for a sticky baby and a happy & healthy 9 months to those who recently got good news, and many thoughts and prayers to everyone who is struggling and waiting.