Today was the equal parts highly dreaded and highly anticipated IVF consult. It totally and completely sucked. The only thing we all seemed to be on the same page about is that moving on to IVF is the most reasonable thing to do at this point. At least there was that. I am so upset by the care (or lack thereof) I am getting, though, and it's difficult to know exactly how to proceed. I typed out all of my questions in advance so I wouldn't get flustered but since the whole appointment lasted literally, I kid you not, 3 minutes, I didn't get the chance to ask more than two or three questions and all of those two or three questions concerned only logistics.
Here are the facts: I left the appointment with orders for a bunch of tests that I already had done in the past, which could be easily accessed by looking up my ID number in the computer system or by opening (oh my!) my paper file. The 'notes' field of one of the orders read "secondary infertility", even though my one and only brush with pregnancy (after IUI#2) ended in a bloody mess induced by Cytotec at 7.5 weeks when no fetal heartbeat could be detected at my 2nd ultrasound. I left today's appointment with no start date for IVF #1, no clue as to what protocol we would be doing, and no script for BCP (RE says he doesn't believe BCP is necessary - maybe he is thinking antagonist protocol, but who really knows!?).
I was told that they are booked up for the foreseeable future for IVF cycles, so there is no chance of starting in April/May. At the beginning of May, I can come in for a clinic appointment and at that time they will set up my calendar. If everything goes well, I can start IVF #1 with my June cycle. However, since there is actually no plan and no protocol decided upon (that I know of, anyway), I have no idea whether that means I can begin the suppression phase (i.e. Lupron) at that point, or whether that means I can actually start stims at the beginning of June.
I was really hoping that we could start stims during my May cycle so that this wouldn't be competing head-first with my best friend's wedding at the beginning of July. I asked Y how he felt about postponing cycling until August/September so that we could still go to the states at the end of June/beginning of July, but he feels strongly that if he is postponing his fellowship 1+ year(s) in order for us to continue treatments, then it's not cool for me to selectively decide that I want to postpone cycling for the wedding. I understand his logic, but I am crushed and dreading discussing it with J. I am already missing my college reunion at the beginning of June, and I really had my heart set on going to the states for at least one of the two (I had picked the wedding), but now it looks unlikely either will happen and if I can indeed make it to one or the other based on the whims of my cycle, it will probably be super last minute. I decided what feels like a very long time ago that I wouldn't plan my life around TTC, but now, hypocritically, I feel that the stakes are so high that I must give in to have any chance of making this work for us. Does that make any sense at all?
I am so upset by how curt and unwilling to spend any time at all with us (not even enough time to refamiliarize himself with the very basics of our case) the RE was today. He was really great when I was pregnant and very compassionate when I had my miscarriage. Since I have been tossed around to quite a few REs in the clinic over the past 9 months and have had little continuity in my care, I didn't necessarily expect him to remember me, but I did expect him to give us a lot more information at this juncture, which feels very significant to us. Even Y, who is not so easily flustered, left feeling irritated, upset, and confused.
Not so much will be happening treatment-wise for me over the next month, but I will be doing some soul-searching as to whether I will be sticking with this RE (in reality, I will likely continue to be tossed around a fair deal during clinic visits, but just as I have been proactive about seeing this particular RE until now for the big decision making-type appointments, I can be more proactive about seeing someone else in this context). I am not willing to consider switching clinics at this point, since my current clinic is (a) at the same hospital where my research lab is located (can't beat that!) and (b) largely regarded as the best IVF clinic in the area. I hope I have more positive things to say next time - I am still waiting for my big break.