Jul 1, 2011

9dp3dt = BFN

I tested this morning with a FRER (from my coveted American stash- I only break out the good guys for special occassions!) and of course it was stark white. I was expecting it since I feel normal and my OHSS symptoms never returned. I am glad I did it - I need a couple of days to emotionally process the failure before I get the infamous beta phone call. You could say I should still hold out some hope but hoping for a miracle at this point (a miracle being not just a positive beta, but a viable pregnancy) just feels cruel and dishonest to myself. I had a late implanter once. For me, I know what that means. That baby's due date was yesterday but I am no closer to holding a live baby in my arms. So it goes. Also, thankfully my beta was moved up 2 days to 12dp3dt (Monday).
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15 comments:

  1. Marianne7/1/11, 4:01 AM

    Oh I am so sorry! There's nothing I can say to make you feel better - try to do something for yourself this weekend.

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  2. Timi7/1/11, 4:25 AM

    I'm so sorry. Sending you a big hug. It just sucks. I'm glad your Beta was moved up so you can move on faster.

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  3. C7/1/11, 6:56 AM

    ((HUGE HUGS))

    I'm so, so sorry. There really are no words for this kind of pain. Thinking of you.

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  4. SJ7/1/11, 8:26 AM

    I'm so sorry this wasn't it for you. I wish I had the magic words to make it better!

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  5. Krista7/1/11, 9:43 AM

    I'm so sorry A....I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I'm glad your beta was moved up....sometimes it's just best to know what way or the other so you can process and move on...whatever that may means. XOXO!!!

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  6. kkasun7/1/11, 10:58 AM

    I'm sorry. Thinking of you.

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  7. Alex7/1/11, 3:24 PM

    Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have your beta on Monday.

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  8. Lissie7/1/11, 5:17 PM

    So sorry honey!!! Sending lots of hugs! I gave you a Versatile Blogger Award (feel silly saying it now though)

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  9. Anonymous7/1/11, 5:49 PM

    So sorry to hear that! My instinct is to tell you to hold out a couple more days just to make sure - but I know how you feel. Grieve if you have to - and maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised.
    Sending you huge hugs. And seriously - we need to do the coffee thing soon!

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  10. clewis7/1/11, 11:11 PM

    Very very sorry to hear this. take care

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  11. Anonymous7/1/11, 11:39 PM

    Ugh. Just plain ugh :(

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  12. Papps7/2/11, 12:41 AM

    I'm so sorry ((hugs))

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  13. A.7/3/11, 12:15 AM

    Thanks guys for all of your support during this cycle - it really helped me through. I tested again at 11dp3dt and had another bfn on a FRER, so it is pretty safe to say that this cycle is over. Tomorrow morning I'll do my beta. I am ready to eat a ton of sushi, drink lots of coffee, go running, have sex with my hubby, and move on (not necessarily in that specific order)!

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  14. A.7/3/11, 12:16 AM

    Oops, and I forgot to mention, open a good bottle of wine.

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  15. tiffany.parcher7/3/11, 1:27 AM

    I just found out on Friday (11dp3dt) that my 4th IVF failed. And I am immediately indulging in all the same things -- wine, coffee, sushi, sex, and running -- it's as if you read my mind.

    Hugs.

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