Jan 26, 2013

a quick week 16 update

I was just updating the "our journey" tab of my blog and it made me so sad to think, when will I ever update the "Aminadav and Naava" tab? I can't believe we are quickly approaching a year since they were born and died. A little trite to say, but it certainly doesn't feel like a year since I lost them and yet my pregnancy with them and the happiness of that time feels like it was so long ago.

I have been thinking lately what I might want to do to acknowledge the one year anniversary of their birth and their death and I am still stumped. I just don't know. Unfortunately, early March is not such a nice time of the year for a special hike or outdoors activity. And of course the creeping thought has occurred to me: Will I still be pregnant with this baby on March 7? G-d I hope so.

I haven't even wrapped my head around what exactly this one year anniversary is - to be born and die on the same day - a birthday and a death day - what is that exactly? A celebration? A somber remembrance? I am not really sure. I guess it is up to us to make up the rules of this day.

In happier news, I had my weekly clinic appointment and the MFM was thrilled with the way my cervix looks. It is measuring around 3.4mm, so I actually gained a bit of length over the past two weeks' measurements, and she said it is curved (not stretched taut) and has a glandular pattern, which is also apparently a good prognostic marker. I am happy to be boring and hope to stay boring for a long time.

We also found out that baby appears to be a GIRL! I am equally thrilled with either prospect, but I was pretty convinced that this babe is a boy, so it was a bit of a surprise :) I had my quad screen drawn this week as well as a bunch of platelet function tests.

My only complaint is that I continue to have weird cramping and what I think are probably sporadic Braxton-Hicks contractions, but painful ones. The various pains definitely put me on edge. I just have no idea what's normal and since I had some pretty significant cramping both before my partial abruption and before my water broke, I never know whether any given 2am cramps are just insignificant, normal pregnancy pains, or whether they are the harbinger of a new disaster.

Does anyone have some ideas of what we might do to acknowledge the one year anniversary of Aminadav and Naava's birth and death? Unfortunately, since we are currently in Canada and they are buried in Israel, visiting the cemetery isn't an option.


  1. Oh my gosh, congrats on your baby girl! Praying everything keeps going well. It all sounds so good, and I'm excited & hopeful for you!!
    Hmm, could be some braxton hicks - I think you can get them earlier when you've been pregnant before. Could also be stretching and growing pains maybe?

    What about planting a tree or setting up a little memorial plaque in your yard or house? That way you have a place to honor them anytime you want right at home. Release balloons, light candles, say a special prayer or poem. Thinking of you as this anniversary comes. xoxo

  2. We didn't really do anything for the one year anniversary. Mainly I just thought about him and cried and I was traveling for business so I couldn't even be with my husband. But for their one year anniversary, my friends released light up balloons with messages written on them. And some people do those light up lanterns that they release.

    Congratulations on the baby girl!!

  3. Congrats on your little girl! Things sound like they are going well and I hope they continue to do so!

    As for remembrance of the twins,I like the previous poster's idea of the garden plaque (you can take it with you anywhere, unlike a tree).

  4. A girl! Congratulations! I hope all continues to progress without incident.

    I like all of the ideas suggested so far for remembering A & N. Keep it simple, something you can take with you or make a tradition of every year if you choose to do so. Thinking of you as that anniversary approaches.

  5. Aww, what great news, a girl! I always wanted to commemurate my miscarriages by sending makeshift rafts (like, using bark and twigs) with candles on them out into the lake in the dark. Something so beautiful and moving about sending a light into the darkness. Hope you find something that works for you. And yes, pregnancy after loss is tough.

  6. Praying that things tend to go great with you and the baby girl.

    I lit (3) candles for my lost baby last year. This year as well, I did the same. You can possibly release balloons or maybe find a rock and paint it with their name. How about a gorgeous bouquet, and two angels in the center of your living room?

  7. I have been keeping you in my prayers and will continue to do so. A girl! Can you imagine :-) I'm sure you will think of something to do on the twins' birthday this year, even if it is as simple as some thoughtful reflection.

  8. This is a great update and I'm happy to hear it - as far as the remembrance goes, I'm not sure of your level of observance or anything, but would you ever consider going to the mikvah? I know in some communities, Jewish women are using it to mark important spiritual occasions in addition to (or instead of) the halachic requirements... I've only immersed once, when I converted, but I found it a wonderful, calming experience.

  9. I am glad you and the little one are doing okay, kinehora. This must be so stressful and not at all the exciting time people often describe pregnancy to be. As for remembering Aminadav and Naava, with Tu b'Shevat just having passed, what about having trees planted in a KKL forest? Or, I know some people who have donated to March of Dimes. Ultimately, though, this is about what you need to grieve. I like the ideas others have suggested above. Most of all -- just please be kind to yourself and allow yourself the space to mark the time however you need, whether it's just some time alone or with Y, or something more tangible.