Nov 21, 2012

our little squiggly & welcome iclw

Today we went in for our first ultrasound - a day earlier than planned due to some pretty bad cramping I've been having. I have been really terrified the past few days, so I was really happy to get it over with. Thankfully, the news is good.

We have one beautiful squiggly measuring a day ahead (6w6d) with a heart rate of 139bpm. I am happy. I am feeling more hopeful than I have in a very long time. I was terrified that we would see an empty sac, but I was also really scared we'd see more than one baby. Twins are so special and wonderful, but after losing Aminadav and Naava, a twin pregnancy is too risky for us. With a singleton, I hope I will have a good shot of carrying close to term. Of course we have a LONG way to go before we are back to the prematurity/PTL concerns.

I will do another ultrasound next Thursday and then we will take it from there. This was my first pregnancy-related ultrasound in Canada and it was weird to me that they didn't allow Y into the room, didn't let me see the screen, and would only give me results via my doctor. It felt really paternalistic to be honest. However, they did give me a nice picture of Squiggly. It feels so strange to say that I am feeling happy and peaceful, but it's true!



For those just joining us through ICLW, welcome! For a brief recap, we recently learned that we are rather unexpectedly though wonderfully pregnant after a long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle while waiting to start a new IVF. We started fertility treatments in August 2010 and since then we've done 6 IUIs and 5 IVF transfers (3 fresh, 2 frozen).

We've had many failed treatment cycles and several losses - two early miscarriages and the loss of our beautiful twins, Aminadav and Naava, who were born catastrophically early last March due to PPROM/PTL.

This blog has been an infertility blog turned pregnancy after infertility blog turned infertility blog many times over. Through the past few years, I've written quite a bit about unexplained infertility, the IVF process, miscarriage, high-risk pregnancy, and baby loss. The posts that are most meaningful to me are those about Aminadav and Naava, my lost hopes and dreams for them, and my grief.

Whatever brings you to our community, I am so sorry for your struggles. This is a sucky club to be a part of, but thankfully for us it is populated by many courageous, funny, resilient, and bright women.

23 comments:

  1. What a gorgeous sight! So much to be thankful for -- congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello, little Squiggly! So glad you got some reassuring news today, and (always) wishing you the best going forward.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congratulations! It's Thanksgiving in the US and I'm thankful for your happy news.

    ReplyDelete
  4. So glad that things look good at the moment. Hoping they stay that way for a long, long, long time. It's weird how the ultrasound protocols are also *different* in different places in Canada. I'm in Vancouver and I've had pre-natal ultrasounds a *a lot* of different clinics and hospitals (having been pregnant six times. cough.cough.) At some R didn't come in, no one says a word, we don't see the screen, but at others R or my mom have been allowed in the room from the beginning, I've had the screen turned so I could see from five minutes in and the person has been super chatty and told us everything, answered questions. When the ultrasound is done at the hospital lab this is especially so. Weird.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm Canadian and those ultrasound policies enraged me through all my pregnancies. I still believe it contributed to the loss of my second twin, because I didn't find out that I had a subchorionic hemorrhage until a week after the ultrasound and by then the baby's heart had stopped. If I had known about the bleed at the time of the ultrasound, I never would have carried on my normal activities, including high-impact aerobics. I will always wonder if I killed that baby because the ultrasound technician didn't tell me what was on the screen right in front of her. I feel like everyone allowed to know what was happening with my body except me.

    I'm sorry to go on about this - I'm visiting from ICLW and just meant to say hello. But it is a real sore point :(

    ReplyDelete
  6. What a beautiful sight! I hope the cramping subsides & you have smooth sailing from here on out.

    Wow, Canda's u/s practices sound stressful!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think it depends on the tech and where you go. Most times, they've scanned initially and then when things looked good, let DH come in and see the flickering HB or the NT measurement. If there was something the tech couldn't see well enough, they'd occasionally bring in a radiologist to finish the scan.
    Hopefully your next one will be a better experience!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sending congratulations & stopping by via ICLW!
    Bree :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Happy ICLW and congratulations! I'll be sure to check out more of your story. Slynn (ICLW#44)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Happy ICLW and congrats on your pregnancy! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Stopping by from ICLW (love your template by the way) and I have spent some time reading your posts. You are right, this is a sucky club to belong to, but I am glad we all have each other.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Also here from ICLW and wishing you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Stopping by from ICLW. That's weird about the scan! Glad things seem to be going well for you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Congratulations on a beautiful Squiggly, despite the strangeness of the procedure that led to this gorgeous photo! All the best for the months (and years!) to follow, and happy ICLW.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Your strength and perseverance is great inspiration to us in this community. Such a great update on your ultrasound. Beautiful picture. Visiting from ICLW #33

    ReplyDelete
  16. SO glad you had a great ultrasound! What a relief. So sorry for all that you have been through, praying for your happy ending!!

    ICLW #38

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am so sorry for your losses. You and your partner are very brave and resilient.
    Congrats on the squiggle! We all have high hopes for you.

    Visiting from ICLW#7

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yay, congratulations! I had those same fears before my first u/s time, either an empty uterus or, God forbid, multiples again. I feel so different - not quite carefree but certainly mellower - carrying a singleton this time.

    ReplyDelete