closer

I got the approval today from my health fund for our IVF! I never take anything for granted with Israeli bureaucracy, so I breathed a sigh of relief that it finally seems like this will actually be happening.

I am trying to work on being more positive about things - I feel myself becoming increasingly negative about this cycle as a defense mechanism but after talking to Child Psychologist Dad last night (yes, my wonderful dad is a shrink!), I see that it is important to allow myself those feelings of optimism and hopefulness because I realize that if this cycle doesn't work out, it is going to be a soul-crushing blow no matter how you slice it, and having a little faith in my body and in my doctors for once can probably only help at this point.

I recently purchased the Anji IVF imagery and meditations CD and the Circle & Bloom IVF/IUI series, and I look forward to testing them out as I G-d willing begin Lupron next week. I will definitely write about what I think of them once I start using them. I also recently learned about mind/body strategies in Conquering Infertility by Dr. Ali Domar, which Y makes fun of and I highly recommend. Maybe I will write more about that too soon.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how miraculous it is to get pregnant and give birth to a healthy child. You know how when you watch Olympic figure skating or gymnastics it looks so natural that it could be almost effortless? I feel that's how most women go through getting pregnant and pregnancy - what is going on in their bodies is nothing short of an Olympic figure skating performance but they make it look so natural, so effortless, like it just, you know, happens. I feel like the one who can't even stand up on her skates while holding onto the wall - the girl who flails helplessly in every direction just trying to get herself in a half-standing position while holding on for dear life.

I am sure if it was another part of my body that failed me, I would be filled with similar wonder for the miracle and complexity of its function - all the simultaneous physiological and molecular events that must occur, for instance, in order to breathe. It's amazing to think about everything we take for granted when our body does exactly everything that it is supposed to do so gracefully and effortlessly! I will stop waxing philosophical, and just say that I am so happy we have a new opportunity to make a baby:)