May 17, 2011

Shaping up

Today I dug through the subterranean trenches of our bathroom cabinets to bring out into the light the Rainbow Light PNVs, high-dose folic acid, and vitamin D - also known as The things I might take if I was actually expecting to be pregnant soon stash. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I gave up on taking PNVs and extra vitamin D ages ago and I haven't taken any folic acid since my last injectables cycle. Among other embarrassing confessions, those PNVs used to make me a little bit giddy back in the day because they had the word 'prenatal' on them, and taking anything that pregnant women take made me feel so close to that stage I could almost taste it.

I am so used to thinking that I am not going to be pregnant in the most endless and infinite sort of way, it is quite a change in thinking to realize suddenly that I need to pony up and start taking better care of myself and act like someone who could soon be pregnant, much like my former naive new-to-TTC self. That girl was so hopeful for the future and so confident, healthy, and might I add sooo THIN, it is hard to get back in touch with her after all the sh!t that's gone down since then.

Ahhh, I hate this hope and all these high expectations for this upcoming cycle but at this point, it's all I have and so I love it too because it is what propels me forward and inspires me to carry on. Will I look back on the present a few months from now and think how naive and foolish I was to think I might get lucky on IVF #1 or is there a chance I could actually be That Girl for once?


  1. Glad to hear you're shaping up and taking those good things for you and your future baby! Be hopeful - it's a wonderful place to be! Oh I hope you're That Girl!!!

  2. I hope you do "get lucky"! Hang on to your hope--it's what I'm doing these days, too. :-)

  3. Talk about denial - I'm at least a couple of months away from TTC again and I take folic acid and B12 every day.
    Ok - correction. It's not denial. It's taking care of my body
    Which is EXACTLY what you should be doing. Have hope! remember - it doesn't need to work on the first try, but taking care of your body is important whether it works or not. :-)

  4. Of course you can be That Girl!! You absolutely should stay positive and start taking those vitamins ready for when you're pregnant :)

  5. You could absolutely get pregnant on IVF no 1!!! it happens often, and it is all a crap shoot. Be hopeful, you are allowed.

  6. We are moving this week and as I packed my bottle of pre-natals I thought, maybe I should start taking them again. I totally did the same thing, time for me to shape up too! Good luck with IVF #1!