in the hospital

I guess I will start at the beginning. Monday morning I woke up in a spectacularly horrible mood. I was insufferably cranky towards Y. By mid-morning I was having fairly intense cramping. Unfortunately, I have had quite a bit of cramping throughout this pregnancy and as a result, I have spent a lot of time wondering whether my pain means something bad or whether it's in the realm of normal. The pain was pretty persistent and honestly I was very uncomfortable, so I decided to leave work in the early afternoon to rest.

That afternoon I was gripped by panic - not because of the cramping, but because I was feeling terrified by the pregnancy in general. It was like a red panic light was going off in my head and I had no idea why. I just was very scared that something terrible was going to happen. I told Y that I thought maybe I should see a therapist - that perhaps after all we had been through infertility-wise, my anxiety was out of control and I wasn't coping well.

In the morning I was still a little uncomfortable but excited to head to our first detailed (aka level 2) scan. The scan went really well - both babies look great and we found out we're expecting a little boy and a little girl. The only thing that was totally bizarre was that I broke out in a cold sweat during the middle of the scan and suddenly felt extremely nauseated.

I went to work in the lab and when I went to pee there was a little blood. I thought it was probably a little irritation from the cervical length check, but then blood started gushing out. Not what I was expecting to see at all. Thankfully, the emergency room is within a 5 minute walk of my research lab. I was very confused given that I just had a good ultrasound, but the ultrasound in the hospital showed a 5cm placental detachment of baby alef's (our son's) placenta. I have been hospital since then. There is really nothing to do at this point but bedrest and to pray that the separation heals. This morning's ultrasound was good, but needless to say, we're pretty scared and we've got a long way to go.