Dec 21, 2010

Welcome ICLW!

Welcome, ICLWers!

Ironically, I originally started this blog as a pregnancy blog when I became pregnant after our 2nd IUI. Stupidly optimistic, I thought the blog would be a great outlet for sharing our pregnancy with friends and family back in North America since we live abroad, officially catapulting myself head-first into the land of happy-go-lucky attention whoring Moms-to-be that we all love to despise. Long before we began to share news of our pregnancy or I went public with Journey to Baby G - The Puppies and Rainbows Version, we found out our baby had no heartbeat at our 7.5 week ultrasound.

After the loss, I felt a strong need to both write about my experiences for myself and to interact with others also grappling with infertility and pregnancy loss. This blog has obviously turned out much differently from what I originally intended, but I suppose our story also has ended up much differently than I had hoped just a few months ago. Already, I have benefited so much from being a part of this online community and I am daily humbled by the strength, grace, resilience and intelligence of the other women that populate it.

Currently, we are in the midst of our 3rd Clomid/IUI cycle. I was diagnosed with lean PCOS a few months ago, a diagnosis that was very surprising to me, since I definitely don't fit the classic PCOS picture. I am surprised by how different trying to conceive feels since the loss - perhaps because the loss is so recent.

On one hand, I am still shocked that we got pregnant at all to begin with. On the other hand, I am terrified that I will keep losing babies every time I get pregnant or that I won't get pregnant again. It seems like we keep falling on the wrong side of the statistics, so it is hard to have faith that one of these months it will finally be different. While I am excited to be back in the game, it is even harder to imagine myself pregnant with a healthy pregnancy and like everyone else, I hate not knowing how much pain it will take to get there or even if we will get there.

When we aren't obsessing over our future offspring, I bide my time in a research lab and Y operates on peoples' eyes with hands infinitely more coordinated and steady than my own.


  1. I am so sorry for your loss :-( I am hoping that your next IUI is successful with a sticky bean! Good luck!!

  2. I didn't know the origin of your blog, I am sorry. I can relate to so much of what you have written, especially being on the wrong side of statistics. :( It is hard to imagine of having a healthy pregnancy but for me, the alternative is not an option!

  3. Good luck, hopefully third time is the charm!

  4. Good idea to introduce the blog to the ICLW people, I will do the same. Do you do it every month?

  5. I'm very sorry about your loss and I hope that you manage to achieve another pregnancy and it sticks this time.

    The key is to have hope.

    We've been ttc for 11 years and have had losses into the double figures [if you count the few chemicals] but we're trying again next year because my heart refuses to give up.

    I hope 2011 is a better year for both of us!!

    ~Happy ICLW~

    ~May your Christmas be filled with Peace~
    ~And your New Year with Hope~

  6. Wishing you luck with your up coming cycle! I now following :) us biologists must stick together :)

  7. I am so sorry for your loss,

    May a third time be the charm and 2011 bring you joy and happiness

    Happy Holidays and Happy ICLW

  8. I don't think it's ever easy to TTC after you have a loss... it's hard... because you can't be stupidly optimistic anymore :( I wish you nothing but luck and I really hope you get your baby!!

    Happy ICLW from #37 and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

  9. Good luck. I'm sorry to hear about the sad start to this blog.

  10. Thanks so much for the good luck wishes and kind thoughts, ladies! It's also a lot of fun to hear from new people and find new blogs to follow:)

  11. Hi, stopping by for ICLW. So sorry to hear about your loss. Have faith that one day, one way, you will be a mother. I hope your iui works out for you. Best wishes. ICLW #69

  12. So very sorry to hear about your recent loss. I hope that you had an amazing Christmas and that 2011 brings you a lovely, sticky rainbow baby to turn your world upside down. Lots of love from ICLW #110!

  13. I was also shocked to learn I had PCOS since I didn't fit the "profile". We also found our baby had no heartbeat in our 1st pregnancy, but our 2nd went well and I now have a beautiful daughter. Hang in there. I'm hoping you have an amazing baby in 2011!

  14. I'm here from ICLW--

    I too have PCOS, miscarried after 7w2d a pregnancy that took us 10 years to achieve--its HARD, but blogging is very cathartic and takes you on a journey you never knew existed!

    Welcome 2011, may it bring you joy!

  15. Like so many others, I can completely relate to your mixed and complex feelings as you move forward with fertility treatments. It can be such a difficult road to walk...count me in as one of the people who will now be cheering for you as you start your 3rd IUI!

    (Thanks for visiting and following my blog from the Creme)