I have been feeling really down the past few days. IUI #3 didn't work (shocking) and Y was offered an amazing fellowship in his surgical sub-specialty that would take us to the U.S. for two years beginning in June (and therefore, most likely on a 2 year break from fertility treatments). He has been dreaming of this fellowship and planning for it for years. In order to attain a tenured, academic position he needs to do the fellowship.
Two years ago when we sat down to plan out the next few years, we decided to start TTC with the goal of taking a child with us on a fellowship in summer 2011. Of course now, in 2011, said child remains the same figment in our imaginations that it did when we had those initial conversations. It breaks my heart that in order for us to continue to pursue our goal of starting a family, he will have to give up his professional aspirations, at least temporarily. Who knows when an opportunity like this will come up again for him.
Logically, I know it's not my fault but on an emotional level, I am so filled with self-hatred and the feeling that I am in the one who put us in this situation (technically I did, but not because I could help it or choose differently). No resolution has been reached yet - I suppose this could go either way for us. Even as the time of the hypothetical fellowship approached closer and closer, Y. still always believed that we were just one cycle away from our forever baby. Too bad, he was wrong every single time. What's the contigency plan now? I have no idea, but I hate to be in this place. It just sucks. I know things could be a lot worse, but for now I am still so sad.
I'm so sorry. It really does suck...bad. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about IUI #3 and the difficult position it now puts you two in. As if IF wasn't hard enough on it's own, the ripple effects are frustrating. Hope you two find a plan that will somehow satisfy everyone's dreams.
ReplyDeleteOh A, I wish I could give you a big squishy hug right now. I'm so sorry you're down.
ReplyDeleteAnd please try not to blame yourself. Our initial diagnosis was Severe Male Factor only, and I never thought of it as my husbands fault. I've always thought WE'RE infertile, not him. I don't mean that to sound like I'm minimizing your feelings, I just want you to know from a partners side, that it's not like that...
I hope you can find some peace in whatever you two decide.
Hugs.
Oh this sucks, it really does. I'm so very sorry you have to make these kind of decisions. Hugs to you, my dear.
ReplyDeleteThat must be so hard to have to choose between two things that are both so important to your family! My heart goes out to you. Good luck on finding the right path, and try not to be too hard on yourself in the meanwhile.
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you. So sorry things didn't work out with the IUI.
ReplyDeleteWhat would be the next step after the third IUI?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the IUI :( Is there any way you could continue fertility treatments in the US?
ReplyDeleteso sorry your 3rd round didnt work. sucks alot. I had 3 failed iui's. Its really horrible. im now moving onto IVF. but that 3rd failed one hit me hard too. you will get back up and carry on. you will be ok
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry :( I hope you are able to find something that works for the both of you. Not sure where you will be moving, but some states offer IF coverage!
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry the third IUI didn't work, that sucks. Also, how it all effects your plans is also frustrating. My husband and I are going through the same thing now. We are supposed to go to America on sabbatical in August, and now that we're pursuing fertility treatments (we also thought we'd be going with another kid) we'll have to change all our plans if we do get pregnant, plus we have to put a cap on the number of months we're going to try before we go to America, and like you once we're there no more treatments until we get back. It's really frustrating but you guys will make the right decision, it's hard not having it rule your life.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I am so sorry. It sucks to have to postpone or change life because of IF. It is not your fault, no matter what you couldnt change things. Do you have a next step? Thinking of you. ((( hugs )))
ReplyDeleteYou didn't put the two of you in this position, because the word 'did' implies that you actually had something to DO with it. All this stuff is our genetics, and we couldn't help it one bit, its the luck of the draw. So don't feel guilty about it. Shake a fist at the universe, sure, but its not YOUR fault.
ReplyDeleteI don't know your situation so I'm sure there are good reasons you have ruled out continuing this process if you moved there. But I will say this, its sounds like Y would be headed to an academic institution. Speaking from experience, they have fantastic benefits, health insurance plans they pick for their employees are really very good. Given your history (and depending on which state you ended up in, they all have individual mandates on what should and should not be covered), you might be able to get infertility coverage too. Just off the top of my head, NY, NJ, Mass all have this mandate.
And thanks for your comment on my blog...I responded about PCOS, if you want to check it out!
ugh,this is annoying-I'd written out a really long comment, it got posted successfully then and it just vanished! Its the second time in 2 days this has happened to me...can you check if it went to your spam folder or something?
ReplyDeleteThank you so, so much for all of your kind words, ladies! It really, really means a lot to me. Our next step would be injectibles + IUI (more on that later). Jay - strange, you're right - your comment definitely went to the spam folder for some odd reason. As you can see, I dug it out:) I have more to say re: lean PCOS, but I need a chance when I'm not at work to respond back to you properly, so hopefully this evening!
ReplyDelete