I have been feeling really down the past few days. IUI #3 didn't work (shocking) and Y was offered an amazing fellowship in his surgical sub-specialty that would take us to the U.S. for two years beginning in June (and therefore, most likely on a 2 year break from fertility treatments). He has been dreaming of this fellowship and planning for it for years. In order to attain a tenured, academic position he needs to do the fellowship.
Two years ago when we sat down to plan out the next few years, we decided to start TTC with the goal of taking a child with us on a fellowship in summer 2011. Of course now, in 2011, said child remains the same figment in our imaginations that it did when we had those initial conversations. It breaks my heart that in order for us to continue to pursue our goal of starting a family, he will have to give up his professional aspirations, at least temporarily. Who knows when an opportunity like this will come up again for him.
Logically, I know it's not my fault but on an emotional level, I am so filled with self-hatred and the feeling that I am in the one who put us in this situation (technically I did, but not because I could help it or choose differently). No resolution has been reached yet - I suppose this could go either way for us. Even as the time of the hypothetical fellowship approached closer and closer, Y. still always believed that we were just one cycle away from our forever baby. Too bad, he was wrong every single time. What's the contigency plan now? I have no idea, but I hate to be in this place. It just sucks. I know things could be a lot worse, but for now I am still so sad.