On FSH & fellowships

I feel like a huge baby saying this, especially since I am on such a low dose, but the FSH is making me feel kind of miserable (or rather something is making me feel kind of miserable and I am blaming it on the FSH...who knows, maybe I am just fighting a virus). The past few days I have felt exhausted, headache-y and also a little bit dizzy. I find myself counting down the minutes until I think I can appropriately and discreetly slip out from lab and also just being generally unproductive. Ironically, this is not so dissimilar from the way I felt during my brief brush with pregnancy.

With the Clomid I got many of the standard side effects (except for maybe the "Clomid Crazies"), but never to the extent that they affected my ability to function normally. I wonder if I feel this crappy on such a low dose of FSH, how will I manage if we need to up the dose? I was sort of under the vague (but perhaps misguided?) impression that people generally feel fewer side effects with the injectable FSH than with the oral anti-estrogens unless they are in OHSS territory. Also, what's the deal with all of this bruising? With the Ovidrel, which is also subq, I've never bled or bruised, but with the damn Puregon pen I am bleeding at the injection site (and then bruising) every night. Ah, I just need to suck it up.

In the end, we decided to forego the fellowship for now. After many discussions with each other, our families, and our friends, we consulted with a very wise friend who listened to all angles of our situation and helped us to identify the key things that both Y and I need right now. She helped us to realize that this might not be as good an opportunity as it originally seemed and that we will be in a better place in our lives to make such a big move in a year from now. By that time, we will hopefully (G-d willing) be pregnant with a healthy, viable pregnancy. If we are not it will have meant that by that time we've already had several unsuccessful IVF cycles and if that's the case, we will hopefully welcome the opportunity for a break and to re-think our options (adoption, donor eggs, etc.). I am feeling at peace with this decision, but it still sometimes startles me how much IF and our inability vs. desire to start a family has taken over our lives (at least it's for a good cause, right?).

I pray that at this time next year, Y will get a wonderful fellowship opportunity AND we will be with baby(ies) - I know that's asking a lot!